Mama, i know i am not vocally expressive towards my feelings. Most of the time, it may seem that i dont care but really i do…The generation gap seems to be a huge hindrance for us to really understand each other and i know you’re trying your very best to cope up with us and get the hang of our language and i appreciate that…im sorry, if sometimes youre trying to get into my mind and ask a lot of questions and i dont even give a nice answer to your questions…i know most of the time what you want is just for me to open myself up a little more, give some of my little time to you and papa where we could just have a “real talk”…and lastly im sorry if im writing everything that i want to say…

Thank you! Thank you for being my mama, i cannot see myslef having a different mama…thank you coz youre never changing and you’re just always there…salamat ng sobra sobra

I love you mama!!!

Have you ever felt that the only person you have been cheating is your own self because no matter how hard you try- you’re trapped into something that you don’t want to do and it slowly kills you…

Have you ever felt that you’re close to breaking down because the only thing that really makes you happy and the very purpose of you living have been snatched out of time and you can hardly find a tick of light to make it burn…

Everyday- I felt sick, cheated and close to breaking down by just thinking that the only thing that I really love to do has, had and have been dished out in my own bare hands…

The smell of HOSPITAL premises for some may brought them into puking but this smell had been my appetizer, soup, main course and dessert all at the same time…sick people in and out of ward had been my avenue to reality that I have learned to live and love… for some hospital is the scariest place on earth next to morgue and cemetery but as for me- hospital became my comfort zone, my playground and my home (my second home…)

  When I think of it, Nursing was not my 1st choice after all- I can still remember the very 1st time I have laid my eyes to nursing profession- wearing my white clinical uniform, white stockings, white shoes and white cap- it was nothing but pure white. I felt terrified, there’s nothing on my head, just a question “is this the life I want to have for the rest of my life?”….I had no answer but I believe my own experience made me answer this very question…

I love the rush, the adrenalin, the unpredictable everyday situation, toxic doctors and colleagues, the difficult patient and much difficult relatives to handle…the stethoscopes, thermometers, bandages, scissors, gloves…everything! Everything that makes me “ME”…Everything that makes me WHO I AM- a NURSE. You heard me right; I love my Profession more than anything else in this world. I can’t see myself doing anything but to be in the four corners of this white house- where people laugh and cry, new lives were born, more flesh and blood were spared and lastly another chances and opportunities were relived.

All I ever wanted was to wake up 3 am in the morning- gather up my stuffs together, go for a shower and wear my favorite attire for work- nothing fancy…just me- my scrubs and my ever comfy sneakers- with my hair all tied up…no make-up, no fancy clothes, no high heels on, no Channel, Armani and not even Prada- a pair white shoes; comfy white uniform and a perfect smile will do…

and I quote…”I love my Profession more than anything else in this world. I can’t see myself doing anything but to be in the four corners of this white house- where people laugh and cry, new lives were born, more flesh and blood were spared and lastly another chances and opportunities were relived.”

CHANGE is inevitable- just like what the greatest philosophers have said…there is no assurance that we will be forever happy or forever sad, forever in-love or forever heartbroken…in the end its all about making choices- we chose to be happy and we chose to be sad, we chose to be forever in-love and lastly we chose to be empty…change is not bad and it will never be a bad thing- so long as you know what to keep…

everyday people change- but that doesnt mean that each and every person you meet is no longer the person you appreciated, trusted, cared, and loved…she might change the color of her hair and he might wear a different scent but it will all be the same- the person you love years ago will always be that same person today and forever…

nakakalungkot naman kung sino pa ang dapat kumikilos para masolusyonan ang napakalaking problema ng mga nurses sa pilipinas ay sila pa ngayon ang nagmamalinis na walang exploitation na nagaganap…

we need JOB that will last for years, a SALARY that can sustain our very needs, a GOVERMENT that will openly admit that they MADE A HUGE MISTAKE and they are READY to have it ALL DONE and most importantly a SYSTEM that is FAIR and JUST- WALANG PALAKASAN : LABANAN NG PANGALAN…

…we dont need a PROGRAM that will only last for 12 months!!!!that wont SOLVE ANY!

 WHERE IT ALL BEGAN?

 there is this MENTALITY that there is a higher and greater influx of nurses which resulted to OVERSUPPLY of REGISTERED NURSES (RN) and LACK of JOBS to MANY if not ALL nurses in the Philippines. in this case i truly believe these problems exist and started years ago, but these problems have and had been SENSATIONALIZED by these HOSPITALS- by which it turned out to be on their OWN ADVANTAGE- instead of HIRING NURSES they started ASKING for VOLUNTEER NURSES/NURSE TRAINEES ( irrespective of with fee or not)…i believe EACH and EVERY HOSPITAL here in the PHILIPPINES in general is understaff- 3/4 if not half of their MANPOWER they get it from volunteers and trainees

 and my QUESTION to them…

 “JUSTIFYING WHAT THEY ARE DOING, AND WE TRY TO ELIMINATE AND ISOLATE THE HELP OF VOLUNTEERS/TRAINEES CAN THEY FUNCTION WELL?” if the answer is

 YES- we can conclude that these HOSPITALS are really HELPING the nurses hone their skills…and they were just trying to ACCOMMODATE the huge number of nurses…

NO-we can conclude that YES- NURSES have and had been used by these hospitals out of their own benefit…

…this PROBLEM had been in the system over the years, and it should stop!! our government needs to address this situation seriously…

MY OWN LIST

10 SONGS -because im crazy and i have my own world ofcourse i have the weirdest set of songs ever!! haha

10.  CASEY JAMES’  version of DONT, JEALOUS GUY and POWER OF LOVE- i am an American Idol fan since i dont even remember when i did started to get hooked… not the best voice ever heard on stage but i think HE is the best GUITARIST ever stepped on AI so far!!! he got this MAD GUITAR SKILLS which made him so so loveable aside from the fact that he really is a handsome guy!what an angel in disguise!!

09. DANNY GOKEY’s I WILL NOT SAY GOODBYE- i told you im AI fan!!  he got this compassion that really explodes when he sing and that what i love about him…i guess this song is such a heart felt!!

08. DAVID ARCHULETA’s - PARACHUTES AND AIRPLANES, STOMPING THE ROSES- cradle snatcher!! what can i do, he is a sweetheart! i missed my chance again!! he went to PI to promote his album but i did not get the chance to go and see him!! well back to why i love the songs- im a POP baby, i love cute beats and up beat melodies with sweet lyrics…

07. GABE BONDOC’s YOU’RE IT- thanks to my dearst friend moira and my sister dear yang for introducing his songs!! waaahhh…love love love his voice, it was nothing but a breath of fresh air-soothing and sweet!! he is a you tube singer, you can go and check out his site!! he is really good!!

06. LEE DWYZE’s SWEET SERENDIPITY- i love the lyrics, the melody and the beat is quite interesting…knowing that lee sang it makes it even more ear candy…

05. MARCOS HERNANDEZ’ THE WAY IDO- love love love his voice!!he sounds exactly like JC CHASEZ…and the lyrics awww soooooo sweet!

04. ELLIOTT YAMIN’s  , CANT KEEP ON LOVING YOU FROM A DISTANCE, DOORWAY- the greatest singer ever lived!!hahaha, in my own opinion he will forever remain my number 1…you have to hear him sing, you literally wanna die in his arms!!!

03. JASON CASTRO’s THAT’S WHAT IM HERE FOR- the only beautiful man alive (beat that!!) seriously he is…sweet and soothing voice plus anglic face and the way he sing seems like everyday is serenade day!! love the meaning of the song…

02. JASON CASTRO’s YOU ARE- again he sounds just perfect!! the song is quite contemporary by which made even more special…the acoustic version is amazingly fantastic!! he is such an eye and ear candy!!!

01. TRAIN’s MARRY ME-i dont know how to describe this song…if i were a man, i will be singing this song to the girl of my dreams but because im not…if someone will sing this song to me, i wanna melt right there and then! come on! im such a hopeless romantic!!!!

10 PERSONAL HIGHLIGHTS

10. DECEMBER 2010- me as PROCTOR (Pentagon and 2010 DECEMBER NLE)- it was a great experience i believe, seeing nursing graduates having their examination right in front of you makes me look back and see my own self to them…some examinees are quite good with instructions while are not and some listen carefully while some are too clumsy. (hay, naitanong ko tuloy sa sarili, if i were to take my examination again will i be able to pass it and get same grade? i hope i could do it again!!) so to all the exminee that i did handle, goodluck and godbless!!

09.  SEPTEMBER 2010- me as NURSE TRAINEE, finally after gazillion years of waiting, i had my chance! it was the longest, happiest and my most fulfilled 3 months ever…my experience was great, i met amazing people, and i learned so many things…thank you OSSAM

08. DECEMBER 2010- me as a GRADUATE- after 3 months of volunteering/training, i got my cerificate!! happy me…

07. NOVEMBER 2010- me with CELEBRANTS- gyp, jak and cha celebrated their birthday…it was a happy event, we are almost perfect (minus mikki)…we had our tugs tougs moment, sing along grande, and eat all you can party!!!

06. DECEMBER 2010- we with PEDIABABIES XMAS PARTY! finally we had our day, we laugh together, we cry together and of course we EAT together…i had my best moments with these guys!! i love them all…

05.AUGUST 2010-me as CHEERLEADER ACES bagged their  13th title in PBA 35th fiesta conference- i was more than a happy momma when they got the championship!!wohooo bel13ve!!!

04. DECEMBER 2010- me as CELEBRANT-ouch!! im a year older again, my own bday celebration. birthdays are always special day to our family-mama cooked some food for the family and we had our lunch together..

03.DECEMBER 2010-me as MOMMY FOR THE DAY- instant babies! me and my sister made our debut as mommies to our 2 nephews…it was a happy event, seeing our two lil boys smile and laugh makes my whole day complete!! i love them both!!

02. MARCH 2010-me as FAN JASON CASTRO LIVE IN MANILA- me and my 2 kabataks finally had our moment to see jason eye to eye and face to face!!! i was able to held his hand and greet him HAPPY BDAY can you believe it!! it was the best day!!

01. DECEMBER 2010- me as a DAUGHTER FAMILY’s TRADITIONAL BIG LUNCH every christmas day…big lunch always makes our christmas complete, we dont celebrate noche buena because we have our own big lunch…perfect with the whole family dining and eating together…i love them!!

so that’s it, my own year end special…til next year!!

define friendship?!?-for me it is something incomprehensible and indefinable-as subjective as it is and as weird as it sounds it did happen, more so it is never a question of how long, how much and how many…sa madaling salita hindi mo halos maintindihan at maipaliwanag, magulo at nakakalito pero nangyari at dumating sa buhay mo-hindi sa dami, gaano katagal o presyo nasusukat ang pagkakaibigan.sana ganon din sa iba..i value friendship as to how i value life- and when i mean LIFE, it means “FOREVER”…hindi 5 seconds, 60 minutes, 365 days o 3 years…there is no such thing as expiration date- if  that exists to some well not for me…

saan ba nasusukat ang pagkakaibigan? sa dami ng lugar na napuntahan?sa dami ng pelikulang napanood at tinawanan?sadami ng mall na ginalugad at inapakan?

I have my greatest set of friends and bestfriends whom i hardly see and i seldom text but i had them at my best and had them at my worst… we made our casual meeting to friendship seal with infinity…i am not sour graping or anything but to hear, see and personaly read those words made me wanna cry and scream till i collapse…

i have my best of bestest friends for years, i had them for like forever, i keep them in my heart and hold them with my two bare hands- and i never throw them away or leave them behind…i love and treasure them just like any other precious jem that i have…

i am not mad, its just that i dont want to keep this inside me and explode the next day!! i love you guys…minsan lang meron mga bagay na kahit gusto ipilit hindi puwede, at may mga bagay-bagay na kahit gusto mo gawin hindi mo magawa…everyday is not a good day for hoppings!! but mind you guys “LOVE YOU ALL…” i now im a spoiler kaya nga i told you di ba you can go anywhere and be merry…ansakit lang makabasa ng ganung text, i just had my bday 2 days ago tapos new year na ayoko ng may sama ng loob…SORRY

everyone is compiling memories thru video and because im a writer i will do it in a BLOGGER way! now let us start…

time flips so fast that before i knew it, i was at the end of the line but fortunately and luckily i say “i was not alone”- savoring each moments with my BESTmates, my LOVEbuddies and my TRUEfriends… i thought ’twas going be a wild circus play- me juggling around with people whom i barely know but I WAS WRONG… the moment i stepped out of my comfort zone- i felt AT HOME and i was at MY HOME indeed…i never felt like i was obliged to wake-up in the morning drag myself to the watercloset and push myself to dress and finish my 8 hour or 12 hour shift- everyday seems to be a smooth sailing ang calming breeze just brushing over…

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!! NOTHING BEATS PEDIA BABIES!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!

ps:

individual message: to follow… (sa xmas party na, senti mode ko!hahaha…)

i should be waking by now, i should be feeling myself somehow; i should be moving and getting my feet off the ground…but im trapped, slowly falling , tightly chained- untouched but emotionally unbounded…

i should stop, no i must stop but i cant- how could i keep myself from falling apart when all i really want is the other way around…as easy as it seems but it is a lot harder trying to act like “oh so natural” but deep inside “its killing you”…

maybe it is better to be like this- JUST like this…im here and you on the other side- i wont wake myself up, i would drown myself close to death and just continue to be a sweet calm wind brushing towards your cheeks….i wont talk- i’ll just listen…

may 14, 1978- my mom and my dad’s very date!! after 32 years, their relationship remains as blooming  and as fragrant as the cherry blossoms every sakura festival; as bright as the sun- their love never melts even if the heat of the sun was extremely burning; as strong as the hardest steel that even the great ironman cannot break; and lastly as priceless as the finest diamond that even the richest and most famous superstar would never find…that’s how i describe their love with one another, of course their love story wasnt perfect like an old and grayish cinderella story but in my own naked eyes it was nothing but pure magic.

i wish ‘em all the happiness and love in the world, and above all many many more anniversaries to come…

to the BEST mama and papa to us…

to the sweetest granpa and granma to tien-tien and mj…

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! WE LOVE YOU!!

im a self-confessed daddy’s ‘lil girl. i always have great words to write with regards to my ever lovely papa, but come to think of it- i never wrote one for my amazingly wonderful mama…

how will i ever describe her, ok. let me start by saying this- in my 22 years of existence i never woke up not having a very luscious meal waiting on the dining table. she is a kitchen goddess i must say- oh well pretty much that’s the reason why we are all healthy, but on the other side that’s also the reason why i barely and hardly know how to cook! oh god im the worst person you could ever meet when it comes to frying pans, knives and sauteing are concern.

more so, she is a dedicated wife and mother to us..she does all the chores and she does it patiently. frankly she’s been doing all those chores for the past 31 years nearly 32 years in a matter of 7 days! (happy 32nd wedding anniversary!)

she’s a kind of mom that is very transparent-you’ll definitely know when she’s happy, excited, scared, in-doubt and most specially when she’s fury.

sometimes when she gets a ‘lil out of control, i personally dont know if i will start to laugh or just keep quiet-and just absorb everything- well it kinda gets normal for me after 22 years unpredictable ventilating…

kidding aside- mama never fails to amaze me every second and every minute of everyday. she suffered, sacrificed and gave up a lot of things for us- yet she never gets tired of pushing herself to the limit- of loving, serving and just purely giving everything to us…thank you! thanks for everything despite of me being a stubborn daughter you continue to love me. i am not perfect, i know im not, im not even sure if i could keep my promise, but one thing i know for sure- I LOVE YOU and I ALWAYS WILL…

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY