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It was never a secret, that I am papa’s little girl…I literally grew up doing every single thing that he has been doing, I actually thought that I would end up following his footsteps as the next “family’s electrical engineer” or worst “mechanical engineer” like him… But kidding aside I have always looked up to him as “the world’s best papa ever existed”, but then again I am being biased. I love him.

And on the other hand, Mama and I. Well I can’t hide the fact that next to ate Nang, I was her next great pain in the ass. No, I’ll rephrase that “I am still getting through her nerves (not everyday) but most of the time she’s mad, I was the one to blame”. We have this thing “the love and hate re-la-tion-ship” sweet right? Funny that despite of our very sweet mother-daughter relationship, all I ever wanted is to be just like her.

Yes! I want to be just like her.

Not for once did she ever give up on being a mother, a protector, a supporter and a lover all at the same time. I know I am a very difficult daughter (god knows how difficult daughter I am) but never did i felt doubted and taken for granted. She is nothing but an angel, a warrior and a queen in one, better than any other instants nowadays.

Her temper is worst and her patience tolerance is somewhat below zero maybe negative to the nth power but I will never trade anything for her.

She never gets tired of doing everything for us. She just keeps doing every single thing- limitless, without any restriction and no expiration. She taught me more than the words that she could mouth and that is more than enough for me to keep on pushing to be a better me.

She is more than a mother who can cook, do the laundry, and wipe the entire house clean. She is no superwoman- I have seen her cried and wept, vulnerable as ever, doubted her capabilities, and have sacrificed a lot of things, but beyond those imperfections, insecurities and inequities I have seen her stood up a million time and she gets even better and stronger every time she pulls herself up. I have never seen such dedication, love, and compassion like she has. And for that I thank God that he blessed me and my family “the world’s best mama ever existed”.

To the woman that I will forever love and hate at the same time. I love you that you never gave up on me and I hate you that despite of me being freaking stubborn you still love me…

For the angel that i will forever love- A genuine and a pure heart that i truly admire. For the warrior that i will forever looked up to- The strength and the undying courage that you possess, soft yet firm encouragements that you always share. And for the Queen that i will never let go. I LOVE YOU MAMA.

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Mother, Mama Dear and Mudra … Happy Mother’s Day! I Love You… I cant promise to not be pasaway na, but Ill try to be less pasaway. Mahal kita, alam mo yan kahit favorite mo akong pagalitan… Thank you for everything. All I ever wanted is for you and papa to be proud of me (I know you do but i want to be better) … You deserve all the love in the world and a lot of better and greater things in life. 

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Again HAPPY HAPPY MOTHER’s DAY… WE LOVE YOU

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backwards…

looking back a few moths ago, i have nothing on my plate. and now counting the days, i can clearly say that God has been “so amazing and so wonderful that he made all things work out well”…

Do you believe in luck? miracle perhaps? blessing in disguise? or should i say merely one snap from above?… i know one thing for sure- mercy, grace and god’s purpose all in one is nothing but POSSIBLE… I for one have felt it, not just once but every second, every minute of everyday.

exactly 10 months ago, im just trying to get a nice and descent job for a struggling RN like me… i have been to all the hospitals around the metro just to be able to pass tons and tons of resumes, application forms and requirements but no luck for me, i guess…

not until….

this one day, browsing the net, i saw this online application for a nursing job, as usual I clicked it on and send right away. To my amazement after 60 minutes there goes the HR calling me to go and have the examination. and the rest was history…

here i am working for an institution molding and changing lives of the many. I have no other words but pure gratitude to the one that holds the most and promises love like no other…

i thought that was it. i thought me working for Global Fund and Lung Center of the Philippines is the plan he wanted for me, the life that i have prayed for. But i guess this is just God’s one way of preparing me for bigger things, one way of telling me that you deserve more that better.

I graduated 2009, i have waited over a year just to get a regular job and here goes that one institution that i have dreaming of becoming one, informing me that i passed the all the preliminary examinations and interviews- qualifying me for a clinical training and employment. At that moment, i froze. I cannot think better than say a lil prayer and bow my knees for the grace that he made for me…

I have almost given up. But he never let me. At that point of breaking down here he comes rescuing me, lifting me up and just carried me. So now, Do i have the reason to doubt? Do have i have the reason to not believe? and Do i have the reason to give up?

God is able. God is the deliverer.

Our God is God of Justice and Wisdom.

how he changed my life and turn things up-side-down, is just one way of god saying “you dont need to shout, i hear you…and i have all the best plans for you…”

clearly God’s wisdom is nothing close to our understanding, but one thing is for sure  “mercy, grace and god’s purpose all in one is nothing but POSSIBLE…”

God bless us ALL…

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im a self-confessed daddy’s ‘lil girl. i always have great words to write with regards to my ever lovely papa, but come to think of it- i never wrote one for my amazingly wonderful mama…

how will i ever describe her, ok. let me start by saying this- in my 22 years of existence i never woke up not having a very luscious meal waiting on the dining table. she is a kitchen goddess i must say- oh well pretty much that’s the reason why we are all healthy, but on the other side that’s also the reason why i barely and hardly know how to cook! oh god im the worst person you could ever meet when it comes to frying pans, knives and sauteing are concern.

more so, she is a dedicated wife and mother to us..she does all the chores and she does it patiently. frankly she’s been doing all those chores for the past 31 years nearly 32 years in a matter of 7 days! (happy 32nd wedding anniversary!)

she’s a kind of mom that is very transparent-you’ll definitely know when she’s happy, excited, scared, in-doubt and most specially when she’s fury.

sometimes when she gets a ‘lil out of control, i personally dont know if i will start to laugh or just keep quiet-and just absorb everything- well it kinda gets normal for me after 22 years unpredictable ventilating…

kidding aside- mama never fails to amaze me every second and every minute of everyday. she suffered, sacrificed and gave up a lot of things for us- yet she never gets tired of pushing herself to the limit- of loving, serving and just purely giving everything to us…thank you! thanks for everything despite of me being a stubborn daughter you continue to love me. i am not perfect, i know im not, im not even sure if i could keep my promise, but one thing i know for sure- I LOVE YOU and I ALWAYS WILL…

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

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All i want is to break free
i feel like the world is giving the worst in me;
sometimes it seems like its almost over-
but before it turned on its end;
here it comes back again and it’s worst than ever…

Dear god- What do you want from me?
i know you love me, i know you do.
everyday i wake up-feeling and hoping that,
little by little the pain will go away…
the moment will just slipped by-
when will these things come to an end?

i need answer! dear god i need answer
Questions keep rushing through my head;
Am i doing things the wrong way?
because if im doing things not right-
please help me make it right…

im wounded: my knees are hurting and my heart keeps bleeding…
my soul is shattered and I AM BROKEN!
i am HOPELESS; i am HELPLESS…
i know i have you beside me- watching me: dressing up my wound,
holding me with your loving arms
and carrying me now that i have FALLEN APART…

slowly im losing my FAITH;
shamelessly im letting you down.
i know you dont want to see me putting my last sword down but please-
i need you now, rescue me…i am gasping.
my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer, my forever Faithful Father,
my Provider and my Deliverer-LEAD ME HOME

-amen

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wonder dad: MY DAD

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!

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here i go again, this is my second father’s day blog entry…according to my archive, last june 16, 2008- i wrote my father’s day blog… and if you missed it here’s a link…click here!

before i wrote this, i visited my last entry, well just to make sure that i wont repeat what i just said the last time…

first thing…I LOVE MY PAPA soooo much- my realization just started when i saw myself starting to get a little older and gain more wisdom…you know when you’re still a kid you tend to just be a kid…literally “walang pakialam sa mga nangyayari”…i was once like that- one whose so self centered and selfish in that kind of matter…maybe because i grew getting what i always wanted, and i grew up knowing that my papa would always give me “what i always wanted, bunso kasi”- that has always been my mentality…how selfish, right!

but now, looking back- things have turned 360°…i learned a lot of things from him…every single thing that makes me me is all because of him…he made me “ME”…

he is indeed my wonderdad-i remember back when i was a little younger i asked him “when will you teach me how to drive?, and he said you study very well and finish your studies…”- he made me think and my mind goes blank…i never understood what he was trying to tell me until now…

“he wanted me to finish my studies and made something out of myself…and with that i could have everything that i ever wanted including “driving my VERY DREAM CAR…”

its just now when i realize how lucky i am to have a father like him- who loves unselfishy, ready to sacrifice everything, leave everything behind just see his little angels smile and who could give up his life just to make sure he made everything possible for his children…

time flies very fast…thinking how he molded me to be a strong person, determined to  always strive harder, to always believe in myself, and lastly to trust and have a strong faith in god makes me LOVE my LIFE more…

i may never be the best daughter and i know i can never be the greatest daughter, but all i know is that ” papa, i love you, no matter what happen i will be your little angel, i might not be the daughter that you’ve always wanted i will always here…i promise”…

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i know i made a lot of mistakes (sorry) but you always push me to be the best, you inspire me to be the best, and you always made me feel that I AM INDEED THE BEST…thank you! thank you! thank you! those wont be enough, but just let me…you are the coolest papa ever (i cant say these words to you, thats why im writing this entry…you’re quite a learner when it comes to technology, right?plus im your teacher!!!yay!)

anyways!!love papa!!i miss the good old days, im sorry and thank you for everything…

again HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!

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my own BATTLE…

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My own BATTLE…

im extremely and insanely nervous!!! waaaahhhhhh…ano ba!!! i dont know how to describe what i feel right now, im just trying to keep my mind busy, that’s why im writing again…to keep myself busy and keep my mind off of the terrifying board exam tomorrow…

im very positive that GOD will be there all through out the day with me, but well hey im just human and i have nerves…as much as possible i want to be as positive as i can…i know FEU (my graduate school) and SRG (my review school) prepared me enough for this battle…

so that’s it! just like what my reviewer said “it is normal to feel anxious and be nervous but never let those fears ruin you and eat you alive”….

i know i have to live up for myself…there’s no turning back…this is LIFE…MY LIFE…MY WORLD…maybe this really part of stepping out of  this great big world…and YES!! i am up for the challenge, I AM READY to take this another NOTCH HIGHER…

for the past 21 years of my life…god has been very faithful and i know, i just know that he will be forever faithful….just like what he just promised in JEREMIAH 29:11-13

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

so to all the board examinees…GOODLUCK to ALL and GOD BLESS!!!

to FEU-BATCH 2009…3-5-100!!!!!

luciat est vestra…tamaraw nurses!!

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i hate goodbyes… :(

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i dont now how to describe my feelings right now…me and the rest of the family were so lost right now…everybody’s getting anxious.

our dearest Lolo miguel (papa’s dad) is now again confined at the hospital and is difficult to arouse…few days ago lolo just got discharged from the hospital because of his pnuemonia and now only to find out that he has gotten worse- his blood sugar all went up as high as 320 g/dl, he just got his tube inserted (NGT for feeding) because he can hardly eat…

my mom and my dad are now busy preparing to leave…i wish we could easily go where he is right now…but we cant-  my sister and i still have a school to attend to and my other sister have her job…

i know-my lolo is quite old already but you know its never easy to say goodbye…i dont want to think that he is going to leave us but time is not in our hands-time is running so fast, i want to run after it but i cant seem to follow…my only wish is that- before he waves his final goodbye “i will be there to see him and hug him for the last time…” 

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