My father: my hero, my heart, my soul…

My father is my hero, my heart and my soul…. I grew up certain and sure of my principles, values and standards because of him. He made me someone who can stand amidst adversities. He made me comfortable with my own skin and just be on my own self without merely compromising my stand on what i believe in.

He is a kind of father who just know what to say on every situation and every circumstances that comes to our way. He is a kind of father who is soooo cool yet sooooo strict at the same time. He is a kind of father who will do everything for his daughters. He is a kind of father who is so loving and always ready to accept our shortcomings, faults and mistakes. Lastly He is a kind of father whom I Love and Adore the most.

I wouldn’t wish for anything more or less of you paps. You are enough. You have made my life more than i could wish for. God must have loved me soooo much that he gave me a perfect father like you.

Papa, I know i am not getting younger but always remember that i will forever remain your constant kaaway every time you want to do things you know that is bad for you, your “boy macho” doing some matipunong stuff every time your away and lastly your “little girl” running and following you around…

Papa, i know naman kung gaano ako sakit sa ulo niyo ni mama and how much a pasaway daughter i am. And i am really trying the hardest to be so much better. Pero kahit pasaway at panay masakit ang ulo mo sakin mahal na mahal kita ng sobra. Ako parin ang nag-iisang “unico hijo” ng bahay na ito, at ako parin ang nag-iisang mong “BOY” na girl … 🙂 I promise to hold your hand always and forever… I love you papa 🙂

I cant seem to find words to say how i love you and how thankful i am that i have you, but there i said it ” I LOVE YOU SO MUCH”….. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY PAPs! I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!

a love that i will forever cherish… i love you ma <3

It was never a secret, that I am papa’s little girl…I literally grew up doing every single thing that he has been doing, I actually thought that I would end up following his footsteps as the next “family’s electrical engineer” or worst “mechanical engineer” like him… But kidding aside I have always looked up to him as “the world’s best papa ever existed”, but then again I am being biased. I love him.

And on the other hand, Mama and I. Well I can’t hide the fact that next to ate Nang, I was her next great pain in the ass. No, I’ll rephrase that “I am still getting through her nerves (not everyday) but most of the time she’s mad, I was the one to blame”. We have this thing “the love and hate re-la-tion-ship” sweet right? Funny that despite of our very sweet mother-daughter relationship, all I ever wanted is to be just like her.

Yes! I want to be just like her.

Not for once did she ever give up on being a mother, a protector, a supporter and a lover all at the same time. I know I am a very difficult daughter (god knows how difficult daughter I am) but never did i felt doubted and taken for granted. She is nothing but an angel, a warrior and a queen in one, better than any other instants nowadays.

Her temper is worst and her patience tolerance is somewhat below zero maybe negative to the nth power but I will never trade anything for her.

She never gets tired of doing everything for us. She just keeps doing every single thing- limitless, without any restriction and no expiration. She taught me more than the words that she could mouth and that is more than enough for me to keep on pushing to be a better me.

She is more than a mother who can cook, do the laundry, and wipe the entire house clean. She is no superwoman- I have seen her cried and wept, vulnerable as ever, doubted her capabilities, and have sacrificed a lot of things, but beyond those imperfections, insecurities and inequities I have seen her stood up a million time and she gets even better and stronger every time she pulls herself up. I have never seen such dedication, love, and compassion like she has. And for that I thank God that he blessed me and my family “the world’s best mama ever existed”.

To the woman that I will forever love and hate at the same time. I love you that you never gave up on me and I hate you that despite of me being freaking stubborn you still love me…

For the angel that i will forever love- A genuine and a pure heart that i truly admire. For the warrior that i will forever looked up to- The strength and the undying courage that you possess, soft yet firm encouragements that you always share. And for the Queen that i will never let go. I LOVE YOU MAMA.

Mother, Mama Dear and Mudra … Happy Mother’s Day! I Love You… I cant promise to not be pasaway na, but Ill try to be less pasaway. Mahal kita, alam mo yan kahit favorite mo akong pagalitan… Thank you for everything. All I ever wanted is for you and papa to be proud of me (I know you do but i want to be better) … You deserve all the love in the world and a lot of better and greater things in life. 

Again HAPPY HAPPY MOTHER’s DAY… WE LOVE YOU

backwards…

looking back a few moths ago, i have nothing on my plate. and now counting the days, i can clearly say that God has been “so amazing and so wonderful that he made all things work out well”…

Do you believe in luck? miracle perhaps? blessing in disguise? or should i say merely one snap from above?… i know one thing for sure- mercy, grace and god’s purpose all in one is nothing but POSSIBLE… I for one have felt it, not just once but every second, every minute of everyday.

exactly 10 months ago, im just trying to get a nice and descent job for a struggling RN like me… i have been to all the hospitals around the metro just to be able to pass tons and tons of resumes, application forms and requirements but no luck for me, i guess…

not until….

this one day, browsing the net, i saw this online application for a nursing job, as usual I clicked it on and send right away. To my amazement after 60 minutes there goes the HR calling me to go and have the examination. and the rest was history…

here i am working for an institution molding and changing lives of the many. I have no other words but pure gratitude to the one that holds the most and promises love like no other…

i thought that was it. i thought me working for Global Fund and Lung Center of the Philippines is the plan he wanted for me, the life that i have prayed for. But i guess this is just God’s one way of preparing me for bigger things, one way of telling me that you deserve more that better.

I graduated 2009, i have waited over a year just to get a regular job and here goes that one institution that i have dreaming of becoming one, informing me that i passed the all the preliminary examinations and interviews- qualifying me for a clinical training and employment. At that moment, i froze. I cannot think better than say a lil prayer and bow my knees for the grace that he made for me…

I have almost given up. But he never let me. At that point of breaking down here he comes rescuing me, lifting me up and just carried me. So now, Do i have the reason to doubt? Do have i have the reason to not believe? and Do i have the reason to give up?

God is able. God is the deliverer.

Our God is God of Justice and Wisdom.

how he changed my life and turn things up-side-down, is just one way of god saying “you dont need to shout, i hear you…and i have all the best plans for you…”

clearly God’s wisdom is nothing close to our understanding, but one thing is for sure  “mercy, grace and god’s purpose all in one is nothing but POSSIBLE…”

God bless us ALL…

mama

I grew up calling her mama- 33 years of her motherhood has been a blessing to us… and i dont even know how to describe her. She has this 6 elastic hands and 3 sets of her perfect 360 degree vision..she definitely is not Ms. Perfect but she certainly is mommarrefic and momfantastic…i may not be the right person writing something like this, i probably am the most stubborn and most pasaway daughter ever but please let me share how grateful i am to have a perfectly wonderful mama…

 

Mama, i know i am not vocally expressive towards my feelings. Most of the time, it may seem that i dont care but really i do…The generation gap seems to be a huge hindrance for us to really understand each other and i know you’re trying your very best to cope up with us and get the hang of our language and i appreciate that…im sorry, if sometimes youre trying to get into my mind and ask a lot of questions and i dont even give a nice answer to your questions…i know most of the time what you want is just for me to open myself up a little more, give some of my little time to you and papa where we could just have a “real talk”…and lastly im sorry if im writing everything that i want to say…

Thank you! Thank you for being my mama, i cannot see myslef having a different mama…thank you coz youre never changing and you’re just always there…salamat ng sobra sobra

I love you mama!!!

fill in the blanks…

Have you ever felt sick of getting up to bed- have your shower so early in the morning and drag yourself to your closet just to get ready for work?

Have you ever felt that the only person you have been cheating is your own self because no matter how hard you try- you’re trapped into something that you don’t want to do and it slowly kills you…

Have you ever felt that you’re close to breaking down because the only thing that really makes you happy and the very purpose of you living have been snatched out of time and you can hardly find a tick of light to make it burn…

Everyday- I felt sick, cheated and close to breaking down by just thinking that the only thing that I really love to do has, had and have been dished out in my own bare hands…

The smell of HOSPITAL premises for some may brought them into puking but this smell had been my appetizer, soup, main course and dessert all at the same time…sick people in and out of ward had been my avenue to reality that I have learned to live and love… for some hospital is the scariest place on earth next to morgue and cemetery but as for me- hospital became my comfort zone, my playground and my home (my second home…)

  When I think of it, Nursing was not my 1st choice after all- I can still remember the very 1st time I have laid my eyes to nursing profession- wearing my white clinical uniform, white stockings, white shoes and white cap- it was nothing but pure white. I felt terrified, there’s nothing on my head, just a question “is this the life I want to have for the rest of my life?”….I had no answer but I believe my own experience made me answer this very question…

I love the rush, the adrenalin, the unpredictable everyday situation, toxic doctors and colleagues, the difficult patient and much difficult relatives to handle…the stethoscopes, thermometers, bandages, scissors, gloves…everything! Everything that makes me “ME”…Everything that makes me WHO I AM- a NURSE. You heard me right; I love my Profession more than anything else in this world. I can’t see myself doing anything but to be in the four corners of this white house- where people laugh and cry, new lives were born, more flesh and blood were spared and lastly another chances and opportunities were relived.

All I ever wanted was to wake up 3 am in the morning- gather up my stuffs together, go for a shower and wear my favorite attire for work- nothing fancy…just me- my scrubs and my ever comfy sneakers- with my hair all tied up…no make-up, no fancy clothes, no high heels on, no Channel, Armani and not even Prada- a pair white shoes; comfy white uniform and a perfect smile will do…

and I quote…”I love my Profession more than anything else in this world. I can’t see myself doing anything but to be in the four corners of this white house- where people laugh and cry, new lives were born, more flesh and blood were spared and lastly another chances and opportunities were relived.”

change

CHANGE is inevitable- just like what the greatest philosophers have said…there is no assurance that we will be forever happy or forever sad, forever in-love or forever heartbroken…in the end its all about making choices- we chose to be happy and we chose to be sad, we chose to be forever in-love and lastly we chose to be empty…change is not bad and it will never be a bad thing- so long as you know what to keep…

everyday people change- but that doesnt mean that each and every person you meet is no longer the person you appreciated, trusted, cared, and loved…she might change the color of her hair and he might wear a different scent but it will all be the same- the person you love years ago will always be that same person today and forever…

 

NURSE’S CRY

 

nakakalungkot naman kung sino pa ang dapat kumikilos para masolusyonan ang napakalaking problema ng mga nurses sa pilipinas ay sila pa ngayon ang nagmamalinis na walang exploitation na nagaganap…

we need JOB that will last for years, a SALARY that can sustain our very needs, a GOVERMENT that will openly admit that they MADE A HUGE MISTAKE and they are READY to have it ALL DONE and most importantly a SYSTEM that is FAIR and JUST- WALANG PALAKASAN : LABANAN NG PANGALAN…

…we dont need a PROGRAM that will only last for 12 months!!!!that wont SOLVE ANY!

 WHERE IT ALL BEGAN?

 there is this MENTALITY that there is a higher and greater influx of nurses which resulted to OVERSUPPLY of REGISTERED NURSES (RN) and LACK of JOBS to MANY if not ALL nurses in the Philippines. in this case i truly believe these problems exist and started years ago, but these problems have and had been SENSATIONALIZED by these HOSPITALS– by which it turned out to be on their OWN ADVANTAGE– instead of HIRING NURSES they started ASKING for VOLUNTEER NURSES/NURSE TRAINEES ( irrespective of with fee or not)…i believe EACH and EVERY HOSPITAL here in the PHILIPPINES in general is understaff- 3/4 if not half of their MANPOWER they get it from volunteers and trainees

 and my QUESTION to them…

 “JUSTIFYING WHAT THEY ARE DOING, AND WE TRY TO ELIMINATE AND ISOLATE THE HELP OF VOLUNTEERS/TRAINEES CAN THEY FUNCTION WELL?” if the answer is

 YES– we can conclude that these HOSPITALS are really HELPING the nurses hone their skills…and they were just trying to ACCOMMODATE the huge number of nurses…

NO-we can conclude that YES- NURSES have and had been used by these hospitals out of their own benefit…

…this PROBLEM had been in the system over the years, and it should stop!! our government needs to address this situation seriously…

2010 rewind!!!

2010 has and had been a mixed of bitter sweet, happy and sad, frowning and smiling and lastly twist turning and upsidedown moments…more so it did gave me a lot of things to thank! goodbyes had been said and hellos are still yet to come…i am very hopeful that this 2011 would be a greater and bigger year ahead!

MY OWN LIST

10 SONGS -because im crazy and i have my own world ofcourse i have the weirdest set of songs ever!! haha

10.  CASEY JAMES’  version of DONT, JEALOUS GUY and POWER OF LOVE- i am an American Idol fan since i dont even remember when i did started to get hooked… not the best voice ever heard on stage but i think HE is the best GUITARIST ever stepped on AI so far!!! he got this MAD GUITAR SKILLS which made him so so loveable aside from the fact that he really is a handsome guy!what an angel in disguise!!

 

09. DANNY GOKEY’s I WILL NOT SAY GOODBYE- i told you im AI fan!!  he got this compassion that really explodes when he sing and that what i love about him…i guess this song is such a heart felt!!

 

 

08. DAVID ARCHULETA’s – PARACHUTES AND AIRPLANES, STOMPING THE ROSES- cradle snatcher!! what can i do, he is a sweetheart! i missed my chance again!! he went to PI to promote his album but i did not get the chance to go and see him!! well back to why i love the songs- im a POP baby, i love cute beats and up beat melodies with sweet lyrics…

 

 

07. GABE BONDOC’s YOU’RE IT- thanks to my dearst friend moira and my sister dear yang for introducing his songs!! waaahhh…love love love his voice, it was nothing but a breath of fresh air-soothing and sweet!! he is a you tube singer, you can go and check out his site!! he is really good!!

 

 

06. LEE DWYZE’s SWEET SERENDIPITY- i love the lyrics, the melody and the beat is quite interesting…knowing that lee sang it makes it even more ear candy…

 

 

 

05. MARCOS HERNANDEZ’ THE WAY IDO- love love love his voice!!he sounds exactly like JC CHASEZ…and the lyrics awww soooooo sweet!

 

 

 

04. ELLIOTT YAMIN’s  , CANT KEEP ON LOVING YOU FROM A DISTANCE, DOORWAY- the greatest singer ever lived!!hahaha, in my own opinion he will forever remain my number 1…you have to hear him sing, you literally wanna die in his arms!!!

 

 

03. JASON CASTRO’s THAT’S WHAT IM HERE FOR- the only beautiful man alive (beat that!!) seriously he is…sweet and soothing voice plus anglic face and the way he sing seems like everyday is serenade day!! love the meaning of the song…

 

 

02. JASON CASTRO’s YOU ARE- again he sounds just perfect!! the song is quite contemporary by which made even more special…the acoustic version is amazingly fantastic!! he is such an eye and ear candy!!!

 

 

01. TRAIN’s MARRY ME-i dont know how to describe this song…if i were a man, i will be singing this song to the girl of my dreams but because im not…if someone will sing this song to me, i wanna melt right there and then! come on! im such a hopeless romantic!!!!

 

 

10 PERSONAL HIGHLIGHTS

10. DECEMBER 2010- me as PROCTOR (Pentagon and 2010 DECEMBER NLE)- it was a great experience i believe, seeing nursing graduates having their examination right in front of you makes me look back and see my own self to them…some examinees are quite good with instructions while are not and some listen carefully while some are too clumsy. (hay, naitanong ko tuloy sa sarili, if i were to take my examination again will i be able to pass it and get same grade? i hope i could do it again!!) so to all the exminee that i did handle, goodluck and godbless!!

 

09.  SEPTEMBER 2010- me as NURSE TRAINEE, finally after gazillion years of waiting, i had my chance! it was the longest, happiest and my most fulfilled 3 months ever…my experience was great, i met amazing people, and i learned so many things…thank you OSSAM

08. DECEMBER 2010- me as a GRADUATE- after 3 months of volunteering/training, i got my cerificate!! happy me…

07. NOVEMBER 2010- me with CELEBRANTS- gyp, jak and cha celebrated their birthday…it was a happy event, we are almost perfect (minus mikki)…we had our tugs tougs moment, sing along grande, and eat all you can party!!!

06. DECEMBER 2010- we with PEDIABABIES XMAS PARTY! finally we had our day, we laugh together, we cry together and of course we EAT together…i had my best moments with these guys!! i love them all…

05.AUGUST 2010-me as CHEERLEADER ACES bagged their  13th title in PBA 35th fiesta conference- i was more than a happy momma when they got the championship!!wohooo bel13ve!!!

04. DECEMBER 2010- me as CELEBRANT-ouch!! im a year older again, my own bday celebration. birthdays are always special day to our family-mama cooked some food for the family and we had our lunch together..

03.DECEMBER 2010-me as MOMMY FOR THE DAY- instant babies! me and my sister made our debut as mommies to our 2 nephews…it was a happy event, seeing our two lil boys smile and laugh makes my whole day complete!! i love them both!!

 

02. MARCH 2010-me as FAN JASON CASTRO LIVE IN MANILA- me and my 2 kabataks finally had our moment to see jason eye to eye and face to face!!! i was able to held his hand and greet him HAPPY BDAY can you believe it!! it was the best day!!

01. DECEMBER 2010- me as a DAUGHTER FAMILY’s TRADITIONAL BIG LUNCH every christmas day…big lunch always makes our christmas complete, we dont celebrate noche buena because we have our own big lunch…perfect with the whole family dining and eating together…i love them!!

so that’s it, my own year end special…til next year!!

pedia babies ^0^,

we are now down to the last wire, its sad i know but at the end of the day i keep seeing myself smiling and happy- i know things wont and will never change “WE ARE FRIENDS RIGHT!!”…

everyone is compiling memories thru video and because im a writer i will do it in a BLOGGER way! now let us start…

time flips so fast that before i knew it, i was at the end of the line but fortunately and luckily i say “i was not alone”- savoring each moments with my BESTmates, my LOVEbuddies and my TRUEfriends… i thought ’twas going be a wild circus play- me juggling around with people whom i barely know but I WAS WRONG… the moment i stepped out of my comfort zone- i felt AT HOME and i was at MY HOME indeed…i never felt like i was obliged to wake-up in the morning drag myself to the watercloset and push myself to dress and finish my 8 hour or 12 hour shift- everyday seems to be a smooth sailing ang calming breeze just brushing over…

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!! NOTHING BEATS PEDIA BABIES!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!

ps:

individual message: to follow… 🙂 (sa xmas party na, senti mode ko!hahaha…)

R.E.M.

i should be waking by now, i should be feeling myself somehow; i should be moving and getting my feet off the ground…but im trapped, slowly falling , tightly chained- untouched but emotionally unbounded…

i should stop, no i must stop but i cant- how could i keep myself from falling apart when all i really want is the other way around…as easy as it seems but it is a lot harder trying to act like “oh so natural” but deep inside “its killing you”…

maybe it is better to be like this- JUST like this…im here and you on the other side- i wont wake myself up, i would drown myself close to death and just continue to be a sweet calm wind brushing towards your cheeks….i wont talk- i’ll just listen…